Coming Into Your Own
by DarkMagicWhiteLight
Summary: During a tedious Guides meeting, 5 girls are transported back to the time of Van Helsing. Seperated, they must try to get back to their own era. But dieing in th past is easier than you'd think. Especially with every bloodsucker out there is after you...
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Van Helsing or my friends whos characters are starring in this fanfic. I do own Brooklen who is my figment of imagination.**

**I do warn you that this first chapter will probably be crap. But hey!**

**RESPECT TO EVERYONE WHO READS THIS FANFICTION!!!!! RESPECT TO ALL THE AWESOME PEOPLE WHO CREATED AND STARED IN VAN HELSING!!!!  
RESPECT TO THE PARROT IN THE LILT ADVERT WHO GAVE ME THIS LINE, EVEN THOUGH HE'S NOT PARTICULARLY AWESOME!!!**

Millie's POV

I hate maths homework. Really, I do. It's the bane of my life. I always get it on Mondays when I haven't got a decent amount of time. That's because my Guides starts at seven and I always leave it 'till last. Who doesn't?

Today, I got dividing and multiplying decimals. Unless I grow up to be an accountant I don't quite see how decimals are going to help me much.

First things first, my name is Millie Demdike. Yes, Millie as in short for Millicent and Demdike like the Pendle witch. Don't poke fun. And yes, I do go to Guides. It's awesome! You do great stuff and get to go on trips. Year before last, we got to go to Italy. You get to do that.

I'm on the road to Guides now. I still haven't done my homework. Eh, what can ya do? I'm not even wearing my uniform. Just a black zip-up, knee length jeans and my school pumps. Luckily, they're fashionable and very easy to run in. I do like to be able to run. I may not need to but I like to be able to. It gives me comfort. Or am I just paranoid? If I am, what about? God, am I weird or what?

Getting out of our car is always a challange for me. The gap between the seat and the door is always too small to get through gracefully. I always manage to make a fool of myself. The only excitement is to see how.

Great.

This time I managed to catch my foot against the seat and land flat on my face. Admittedly, not the most spectacular fall ever. It's the start.

Gathering my dignity, I sauntered into the church hall. I was very early. The Beavers meeting hadn't even started yet. I glanced down at my watch and cursed. It was about an hour early. Beavers start at six, Guides at seven. Crap. What am I supposed to to do now? My Mum's just driven off, leaving me standing here like a wally! Isn't life fantastic?

" Hello, young lady. How're you?" came a voice from behind me. I turned around to see old Mrs Macloon. She's the caretaker. She's also a very nice lady. She's quite short, with brown eyes and a curly brown perm thing. She's also got the most comforting voice I've ever heard on lady. Her husband died a few years back, so I think she gets some comfort from us and the other church-hall frequenters.

" Hiya, missus. Bit early for the Guides, aren't I?" I said, a little lamely. She just gave me a warm smile and shook her head. Then, I had a stroke of genius. Well, why not? It wasn't Friday, for sure, but there was no reason why not." Hey, Mrs Macloon, is the back room free?" I asked. Getting a positive answer, I headed over that way. Every Friday, me, my friends and fellow Guides: Brooklen, Lexi, Toni and Ally go to the room at the back of the hall. It's sort of a small meeting hall where the parishioners and likewise have their bingo nights. When we go there on a Friday, we hang up a cardboard target that's been glued onto a pillow and have target practice. We've done that ever since I saw the sceane were that guy or girl chuck that dagger and spear the grain of wheat mid-flight. House of Flying Daggers, I think it was. Or was it Crouching Kitten, Hidden Lizard? I forget.

Anyway we try doing that on the target-cum-pillow with just about anything we can get our hands on. Penknives, pencils, water bombs, sharp protractors, anything. My aim has gotten quite good. I'm working on a way to do it with the sharp stuff up my sleeves. Assassin-like, see? I saw that in another movie. I'd have to ask Ally which one. She's got a memory for this stuff.

I phoned all my friends up on my mobile in the order of where they're placed on my speed-dial. That's Toni first and Lexi last with Brooklen in the middle. Ally is Brooklen's sister so if she's free then Ally should be as well. Toni and Ally are eleven. Me, Lexi and Brooklen are thirteen. No matter. We're still all great friends. Even if we're all quite different.

Ally is a dancer and gymnast and a runner. Believe me, she is seriously fast, you would not believe. She's quite sweet, sensitive and loves animals. Little bit of a tree-hugger too. One of her favourite hobbies is striking up conversations about absolutely nothing and everything.

Brooklen is the academic one of the group. She's up for physics, chemistry, geography, technology, pretty much anything that she needs her hands and her smarts for. I think that's why she loves hacking into video games so much. She's able to pick up unusual bits of knowledge and remember them, like song lyrics. That's how we learn all the songs we do. It's funny when you're in a coach and someone refuses to turn Oul' 'Uns off on the radio and then we start singing at our loudest... Anyway she can remember stuff like that. And she researches a lot of myths. And weird subjects.

She and Ally's father is Scottish and their mother is Romanian. They actually lived in a couple of places in Scotland before I met them. Normally the accent is very light, but when they get angry or annoyed it can get very hard to understand what they're saying.

Lexi is the really musical, cheeky one. She's made it her positive duty to learn how to play as many musical instruments as humanly possible. So far she's mastered singing, playing acoustic guitar, drums and the keyboard. Particularly the type of keyboard that plays different types of weird noises ( snores, belches, farts etc.). Adds a whole new spins to music nowadays. She's awesome at singing and music though.

Toni is the jokiest out of all of us. She does volleyball (like a madwoman) and is a bit of a stand up comic. She knows lots of really grown-up jokes and can swear in German. She's the one of us that tries out new things and loves acting, singing, drama of all sorts. She's gonna grow up to be a famous actress, I can tell.

And then there's me. My family comes from Pendle. I often wonder if we're related to Old Demdike. As far as I can tell, no body's made the connection except my friends and that's because I told them. I'm more cautious than the rest of us and I'm interested in History. I like netball and swimming and, as I think I've said before, I've got very got very good aim.

Out of everyone on my speed-dial only Lexi was free

Ah, well, I'd see the rest of them when Guides started. Lexi only lives a couple of streets down. Until she came I'd just have to sit on one of the radiators.

Trouble was, as I sat there, I began to remember dreams I had before. Or... just the one dream. One that goes too far beyond the weirdness threshhold for comfort. It's strange, and really vivid, and slightly different every time. In each one I'm running from something. Sometimes it's a weird sort of bat. Other times it's a great big dog of something. But there's always a great big castle with three towers in the distance and I'm always running towards it... I wake up feeling as though I ought to go to the funny-farm.

_' They're going to take me away, ha-ha, to the funny-farm..'_

I winced. Why, oh, why did I have THAT as my ring tone?

As I reached for my phone, the door opened and revealed Mrs Macloon.

" Come this way, dear." she said. Confused, I followed her into the chapel. There was this old guy in red with a funny cap on. Now, I'm not very well versed in religeous clothing, but he looked like a cardinal. Standing beside him was Lexi. She waved her mobile at me and mouthed: ' Why are we here?' I gave a shrug.

" Millie, this is Cardinal Pironti from Vatican City."

" Vatican City? In Italy?!" exclaimed Lexi.

" No, Lexi, the one in Timbuktu." I deadpanned.

" Ooh, hardy har, hilarious," She retorted.

" Isn't it just?"

" Why of all places did you pick Timbuktu?"

" Sounds intelligent."

" Is that the only reason? Surely you must have a better reason!"

" Well, I don't so ju--"

During all of this Cardinal Pironti was watching all of this with a slightly amused and very irritated expression.

" Just let them man talk, won't you?" sighed Mrs Macloon. The Cardinal nodded.

" Come girls," I filed away the sound of his accent for later impersonations, " There is much to explain..."

* * *

**I know it's not much right now but bear with me. It's only the first chapter. I can guarantee that there's good stuff ( I wish) coming up.**

**Pleeze feel free to comment, give praise, flame, give ideas, whatever you want. Just review after you read this, kk? I _NEED _reviews!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Phew! Another chapter! And again I have no cool lines to start it off!**

**I do not own Van Helsing. If I did I wouldn't be writing fanfiction about it.**

Toni's POV

The worst place you could ever be at 6:30 in the evening is Joshua St.

That's where all the yobs and skinheads meet up and start raving until gone 1 A.M. The other place you really have to avoid is Barence Island. That's were they hold a youth club for the criminally weapon-obsessed on a Thursday and were all the chavs go to rev-up their cars and have sex the rest of the time.

Funny, I was heading for Barence Island via Joshua St. I wasn't going by choice. I had to talk to ' 50 Pence', skinhead chief. And nine years old. You may wonder why me, Toni the Great (Yes, with a capital G), was making my way to talk to a boy with a crap nickname who was two years younger than me. Actually, it's none of your business (i.e. It's very complicated and potentially reputation crippling).

I rolled my eyes at a couple of ugly fourteen year olds who had decided to spend the remainder of the day snogging. Ew. Why can't we have coppers like off Ashes to Ashes or Life on Mars? That'd cut down the number of raving chavs!

Something distacted me from my highly philosophical musings. I backtracked a little and peered down a little side-alley. There was some sort of light peeking out from around the corner.

My mum says that if I've got a fault, it's my curiosity. Being who I am, I couldn't resist taking a look.

Everything went very cold when I walked around the corner. Something made me feel small and filled me with foreboding, like I was trespassing or something. Like I was breaking some sort of sacred rule. I took a deep breath and peeked round the corner, mentally taking a great big stick to my overactive imagination.

When I opened my eyes, there wasn't anything that could've cast a light. No, scratch that. There _was _no light. Period.

I opened my mouth to take a nice big lungful of O2 but ended up getting a mouthful of dust and other minuscule crap that ends up lying about the floor of an alley-way. No, not very nice at all, I know. That started my gagging and coughing and I had to put my arms up to shield my eyes from everything that was flying about. Like I was caught in a freak tornado. Tornado because everything was flying and it felt as though gale force winds were tearing me apart. Freaky, because there hadn't been any sort of wind before!

" _Scheisse_!" I yelled, narrowly dodging a spinning aluminium can that would have taken my head off. "Bloody hell!" I bellowed.

I went quiet. As suddenly as it had started, the freaky whirlwind had stopped, dropping all the rubbish it had picked up. Including the almost-murderous can. And my hat.

Wait, my hat!

I scrambled about a bit in the muck, looking for my hat while quoting my many foul-mouthed cousins. Both German and otherwise.

" _Scheisse, scheisse, arselochs,_ crap, bugger..."

After a bit of disorganised footering, my cap was safely back on my head. Now, time to get out of here!

**Okay, I'm not the proudest of this chapter. I'm not very good at first person but I try.**

**Changing the subject,who else watches Apparitions? I honestly feel like I'm the only one! And that would make for an awesome Van Helsing crossover. But the, so would Lara Croft but no one seems to be writing that one...**

**Twiggy: All right, don't get emotional**

**Me: ....Vimal was cute**

**Twiggy: Oh, have you got a crush?**

**Me: No! I just think he's cute! Or does that automatically make me fancy him?**

**Twiggy: Don't matter. He preferred guys any way. You're a girl.**

**Me: Doesn't stop him being cute!**

**Twiggy: facepalm.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Heyo!! I'm back to waste your time yet again!!! WOOT!!!!! Man I gotta lay off the yogurt...**

**Twiggy: Don't you mean sugar?**

**Me: Nope! I mean Muller Corners in Toffee Flavour! Some people get hyper off sugar I go hyper off yogurt!**

**Twiggy: You don't go hyper; you just go_ weird!_**

**Me: Me no no care. ON WITH DA SHOW!!!! High fives to everyone who reviewed and also to the crazy parrot on the Lilt advert.**

**Twiggy: WHY?**

**Disclaimer: DarkMagicWhiteLight does not own Steven Sommers or Van Helsing. She also doesn't own Terry Pratchett's Only You Can Save Mankind. There's a scene from that in this chappy.**

Cardinal Pironti led Millie and Lexi up to the alter at the front on the chapel. He stepped behind it as if conducting a sermon while the two teens stayed on the opposite side. Lexi's attention was drawn away by the large ornate crucifix behind the Cardinal. It was quite fancy for a small chapel. It had been made about two years earlier by some Art GCSE students from the nearby high school out of black card and coloured paper. Nevertheless it was extremely well made and had been deemed worthy to be put at the head of the chapel.

Her attention reverted back to the holy man when he spoke.

" There is a lot to explain," he repeated, " I assume that your grandmother's name was Florence Demdike?" he said, gesturing to Millie.

" That's right." she answered, with just a hint of suspicion. But that was just her character; she was cautious.

"Good," the Cardinal seemed relieved, " It would not do to have a case of mistaken identity. And your grandfather was the late Dai Tachyon?"

" Yes. But he died before I was a twinkle in anyone's eye." replied Lexi.

" So you two are Millicent Demdike and Alexis Tachyon?"

" Yes! We understand your need for certainty, father, but there's no need to get stupid," Lexi was getting irritated, " And I'm Lexi!"

" And I prefer Millie."

" I'm sorry," said Pironti," I have to be careful that I get the right people. The information I'm about to give out is very important--"

" What's our grandparents got to do with anything?" cut in Millie.

" I was getting to that!" Pironti employed a bulldog-sucking-lemons face," Children these days; no patience!"

" 'K, know you sound like my uncle," quipped Lexi

" Er...Maybe we should start listening know?" said Millie while eyeing the prominent vein in his forehead nervously.

Taking a deep breath and ordering himself, the unfortunate man began to speak.

" Fine. We'll start with you, Alexis. Your family, as you probably know, came from Cardiff, Wales, where we have an outpost."

"Outpost?"

" Ever since we can remember, there has always been an order dedicated to protecting innocent lives from the evil servants of the dark. Those that have found it their calling have became the Knights of the Holy Order and have fought hand to hand with these demons. We have outposts in places were it would be difficult to reach quickly from Rome herself. The one in Wales is stationed at current Knight is Rhys Barraclough,

" And, in his time, so was your grandfather."

Lexi stared at the Cardinal, eyes wide and jaw hanging open in a comical expression of shock, before saying; " Cobblers."

" Eh?"

" Who put you up to this? 'Knights of the Holy Order' Seriously?"

Cardinal Pironti looked stormy.

" I have no reason to lie to you, so watch what you say, child!"

Millie put a restraining hand on her friend's shoulder in an attempt to keep the peace. Despite her earlier words, she wanted to hear what the Cardinal had to say. And she wanted to get out in time to collect some homework from Brooklen. It was a rare occasion for Brooklen to actually do someone else's homework.

" Carry on, father." she said in a soft voice.

" Very well. Your grandmother, Millicent, was heavily involved with the Knights and at one time was our greatest ally since the Valerious family."

" So, what's this got to do with me?"

" This: Millicent, your grandmother was a witch and made enemies when she allied herself with the church. One of them, Loogaroo the vampire-witch, has recently escaped from one of our prisons. After so many years, she is still bitter and may plot against you. And Dai Tachyon was one of our best and he too made enemies. Thankfully, most of them are now dead."

Millie had similar expression to the one Lexi had been wearing a few moments ago and that was reinstating itself on Lexi's face.

" Sir," asked Millie," Would you ever break a commandment?"

" No, I would not lie," he answered, seeing what she was getting at," You will have to have faith..."

* * *

At seven o'clock the two girls re-entered the church-hall, dumb-struck. They went to meet two girls that had just appeared at the entrance. One was about thirteen years old while the other was eleven. They both had slightly feathery auburn hair. The elder one had it shoulder length in a low ponytail with wisps escaping. The younger one had it cut just past her chin with the fringe held back with a clip. They were Brooklen and Ally Magreagor.

Brooklen was gangly and looked as though she ought to be fast but really had a mild case of asthma and a habit for getting into chaotic and unusual situations. Her speciality was unusual fields of information and breaking into things.

Ally was small and light and possessed a great deal more grace and fluidity than her sister. She did gymnastics and possessed all the speed that should have gone to a cheetah and the athletic grace of a monkey.

But they had skills, though. They just weren't the ones that people thought you ought to have. If you could get graded in getting top score on Smackdown vs Raw on the first go, then Ally would get top marks. If ever there was an Inter-Schools First-One-To-Break-The-Unbreakable-Copy-Protection-On-Galactic-Thrusters, Brooklen wouldn't just be on the team, she'd be picking the team.

" Yo," said Brooklen.

" It's not cool to say Yo anymore," said Millie, finger on the pulse as always.

" Is it rad to say cool?" said Brooklen.

" Cool's always cool. And no-one says rad anymore, neither."

Brooklen shrugged, looked around conspiratorially and then fished a package from her bag.

" This is awesome. Take a look"

" What is it?" asked Lexi.

" We cracked Fighter Star Terabomber," said Ally," Only don't tell anyone, aye? Just type FSB. It's not much good, really. The space bar drops bombs, and...well....just press the keys, you'll see what they do..."

" Listen....you know if we ask you about something weird, will you help us find out about it?"

" Probably know 'bout it already. How weird?"

Obscure fields of knowledge were Brooklen's speciality. She knew were to research it.

" You'll wanna chuck us in a loony bin," said Millie with a small grin," Tell ya later. Back room."

" Aye?"

" Uh-huh," said Lexi," Thanks for Star Fighter Pilot--"

" Terabomber. Our dad brought Alabama Smith and the Jewels of Fate from the States. You can have a copy if you want."

" Right." said Millie.

" It's okay."

" I don't play half the games you give me, you do know that?"

" I know. Just so long as your cousin get that half."

Lexi's gaming mad cousin often ended up owning most of the games that Brooklen and Ally passed on. Neither Lexi nor Millie could understand how it was possible to play as many games as he did. You just couldn't. Not if you wanted to sleep and eat meals. But that was alright because it ws his business.

As far as the Magreagors were concerned, unless it was Tomb Raider or Ratchet and Clank, games were more fun for breaking into and rewriting so that you got extra lives or that the theme song was Crazy Frog or something, and passing on.

Basically, there were two sides to the world. There was the entire computer games software industry trying to stamp out piracy and then there was the Magreagors. Currently, team Magreagor was winning.

" Did you do my History?" said Millie.

" Here," said Brooklen," 'What it was like to a peasant during the English Civil War', three pages."

" Thanks," said Millie,"That was quick." she added while handing over a five pound note in payment.

" Oh, in Geog last term we had to do an essay on what it's like to a farmer in Bolivia. I just got rid of the llamas and put in stuff about kings getting their heads chopped off. You have to bung that kind of stuff in, and then you just have to keep on complaining about the weather and the crops and you can't go wrong, in peasant essays."

**Well there you go, now you know why Cardinal dude was there, everyone who wanted to know.**

**Feel free to give reviews, constructive criticism, flames, pie, whatever you like. I like to get some sort of feedback.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello guys. Here's the next chapter so I won't bore you with a crummy author's note. Apart from a Sorry for the delay. For some reason, the N key wasn't working. And neither were any of the vowls, come to think of it.**

**And another thing: I'VE MET JONOTHAN STROUD!!! GO ME!! Seriously, I did, it was a meeting thing organized by he schools. If you were there also, I would dearly like to know. For those of you who don't know who he is, he wrote the Bartimaus Trilogy. And I got his new book, Heroes of the Valley. Heck, the fanfiction for that ought to be good.**

**PEACE OUT, PEOPLE!**

**Disclaimer: You know the drill. Who else apart from Steven Sommers owns Van Helsing? I don't. Wish I did.**

Toni's POV

I scrambled out of that little street corner and onto the road. It had changed. The concrete and Tarmac had been replaced with cobbles. The ugly fourteen year olds were nowhere to be seen ( thank god).

The landscape, or cityscape, whichever you prefer, had changed. I couldn't regonise a thing. The sound of cars had gone there were none of the street lamps that I swear were there before.

Wait....That couldn't be right...That looked the Eiffel Tower except... No pointy bit...It was still under construction..

Where the hell was I? Or when?

Someone screamed, and it didn't sound too far away. I ran to it's source. It'd come from just around the corner, much nearer than I'd thought. Not may people would have heard it, then. But I had. And I had to be the good Samaritan and come running. Heh, pretty stupid of me, eh?

The first thing I saw was a big, black, manky coat. The coat had originally been made for a regular sized man but the bloke wearing it must have bee about seven foot or something. All I knew was that he was big, ugly and...er...scuddy. Apart from some really minging, raggy shorts. And the shorts kept slipping down his bum. Would it've killed him to get a belt?

On the cobbled floor was a young woman, barely out of girlhood and extremely dead. 'Incredible Hulk' moved away, holding a phial of glowing stuff and I could see the girl properly. She was proper white, not pale, white. I shuddered violently, as I saw just how she'd died...

I took an instinctive step back, wincing as something crunched under my heel. Hulk's cousin turned sharply. So much for my hope that he wouldn't hear. I didn't know what to do. My gaze kept o flipping from the mangled girl to him. He had a smug, evil look on his ugly mug. He plodded towards me, dropping his mingy smelling fag. I had a hunch that I was heading the samr way as the dead girl.

" Come here, little girl..."

Thinking of what got me into this mess, I screamed...

Normal POV

A figure peeled a poster off a wall. He peered at it indifferently before a girl's scream pierced the air. He made is way to the source.

Toni's POV

This was a weird way to travel, I thought. I was being held very easily with one hand by this guy. He was holding me completly clear of the ground with the buildigs and stuff just flying past in a monochromatic blur. It was like he was King Kong or something. I would've been exhilarated if I wasn't so terrified. As it was, I was just trying not to be sick or think about what he'd said earlier or that poor girl.

_" Hmmm....Fresh meat...And I'll be hungry later..."_

Dammit!!

Normal POV

The scarfed man squatted beside the body of a young woman, made the sign of the cross and picked up the still smouldering remains of a cigar.

A distant cackle caught his attention. He turned around in time to see the creature scale Notre Dame cathedral, light in one hand, a small indistinct figure in the other. Full of purpose, he strode towards the great structure...

**Well? What do you think? I didn't get any reviews for my last chapter. Hits are all very well but I want to know peoples opinions on what I'm writing.**

**Hows about, if you liked this story, yell TRUMPETS!!!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Who here owns VH apart from Steven Sommers? Not me. I would've remembered.**

There were various gangs and guilds and alliances in St. Anthony's 2nd Lea Guide Unit, such as the sporty group, the fashionistas and the Conspiracy Nerds. And then there was Millie, Lexi, Toni who was absent, Brooklen, and Ally, who weren't as crazy about aforementioned traits to be accepted into the groups, but enough to be on friendly terms with them.

During that time slot where the Leaders tried to fish stuff out of various car boots and look for the register, only to find out that they'd left it at their friend's cousin's boyfriend's house, Millie and Lexi told their tale in the back room.

" What?" said Brooklen, after they'd finished.

" Told you." replyed Millie.

"Holy Knights?"

" Ye-es. Seems so."

" Sounds like one for the conspiracy guys if you ask me." said Ally," Like Men in Black, or Ghostbusters or--"

" We get the idea, Ally!"

" So your Grampa was one of these Knight blokes?"

" Apparently," said Lexi," I never really knew that much about him. I'll do a bit of digging when I get home."

" And your Nan was a witch?" asked Brooklen, incredulously.

" Yup. Though, to be totally honest, " said Millie," That's not really news to me."

That was when one of the Leaders came to shepperd them to the front room to play a game of Ladders.

**Very short, i realise but it serves the purpose of catching up with these guys. Believable conversation? Good story so far? Nobody give a damn? Ah well, thnx anyway to my one new reviewer; Kayla. Cheers, pal.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Who here owns VH apart from Steven Sommers? Not me. I would've remembered. I think. Or maybe not. Do I? Allright, I don't, bloody angry lawyers( goes off into the corner muttering)**

**This was written from memory so don't sue if it's not quite like it was in the movie.**

The stairs creaked as the dark man climbed up to the bell tower. The only light was that coming from the moon. The first thing that really caught his eye was a strangely dressed young girl with curly brown hair and a denim cap jammed on her head at a jaunty angle, though probably not by design. The creature must have taken her hostage. She couldn't be more than eleven or twelve.

She held up a hand in warning. Her mouth didn't even get half open before....

" Woah!" the creature swung down from a roof beam, putting his face mere inches away from the man's." You're a big one," he said," You'll be hard to digest."

" Dr. Jekyll--"

" It's Mr Hyde now."

" You what?" exclaimed the girl, speaking for the first time since the man arrived," Jekyll and Hyde? As in the greatest case of split personality ever?"

" Mr Hyde, you are charged with the murder of sixteen men, eleven women, four children-" the man began.

" Twenty goats and a rather nasty massacre of poultry," cut in Hyde, climbing like an overweight monkey around on the rafters and pinching the dark man's hat." So, you're the great Van Helsing?"

" Oh, you're havin' me on!" the girl spluttered backing away from the scene," Van Helsing?!" she gasped, increduously. Seeing that she was being ignored she muttered," Alright, don't mind poor little me." This had no effect whatsoever.

"The church would like me to take you back to Rome so that they can extricate your better half," Van Helsing sounded bored as he said this.

" I bet they bloody would!"

" Personally I would rather just kill you and be done with it," he turned to face Mr Hyde properly," But let's make it your decision, shall we?"

" Hmm," said Hyde, as if considering the offer," Do let's."

He reached out and grabbed Van Helsing by his long leather coat and flung him through a wooden beam. Van Helsing shot at him from where he had landed with a couple of pistols that had been hidden inside his coat. The girl scrambled behind a statue and clamped her hands over her ears to shield them from the noise. Bullets ricocheted of the rafters, seeking warm flesh. None had hit Hyde, or if they had, they had no effect on him. Then, he was gone.

Van Helsing sprang up, shaking the splinters off his clothes. The girl tentatively crawled out from behind the statue.

" A-are you really Van Helsing?" she asked," This isn't a joke or something?"

Van Helsing pulled a face and pulled a semi-flattened bullet from the statue she'd been hiding behind.

" This look like a joke?" he replied, handing it to her.

" Wowsers..." she said softly. She looked up to see him starting to leave." W-wait! My name's Toni. And i have no idea where I a--Well I'd say I was in France but there's no pointy bit on the Eiffel.."

Van Helsing sighed. He didn't have time for this. " Go home."

" See, now that could be a problem cos before Gigantor over there turned up I'd just found myself in the middle of_ flippin' _France which is pretty strange as I live in Lancashire and there was this twister thing like out of Dorothy---"

" Do you ever shut up?" He said, shoving her aside," It's not my problem. Just stay out of my way!"

" Fine!" said Toni," Rude git."

Van Helsing climbed the stairs in silence, Toni following.

They entered the long room at the top of the rickety stairs. Van Helsing with a calm demeanor while Toni flitted to the edge where she had some form of shelter, right where the rafters met the wall. From here she could see what was going on.

Mr Hyde appeared at the far end of the long room, using the afters as monkey bars, swinging his over sized body from beam to beam and travelling at a frightening speed. Toni stared in dumb horror but didn't fail to see Van Helsing pull out two deadly sharp tojo blades and set them spinning.

" Ready-or-not-here-I-come!" bellowed Hyde.

Van Helsing didn't react until Hyde was almost on top of him. When he did, it was explosive: he ducked out of Hyde's way and slashed his belly, leaving the monster with a huge gash and sending him barreling into the large, iron bell with a resounding clang.

" Oooh, the bell!" hollered Hyde in agony, an evil glint in his eye. Toni giggled at first. Then she saw it coming.

" The bell!" she yelled," Van Helsing!"

Van Helsing strode towards Mr Hyde, tojo blades upraised. Mr Hyde picked up the bell. Van Helsing cottoned on and began to retreat quickly. Not quickly enough. Mr Hyde slammed the bell on top of the man, effectively trapping him with little chance of escape.

" No!" cried Toni," H-he'll run out of air!" she yelled as Hyde gloated, twirling Van Helsing's hat," You bastard!"

Hyde merely laughed at her antics and took a swipe at the young girl. She jerked away just in time, backing away until her back hit the opposite wall as Hyde reached out for her. 'This is it' thought Toni. She had a flashback of the dead girl she saw, out in the city, and of the list of victims she heard. Now, it seemed, she and Van Helsing would join them...

Mr Hyde had stopped. Toni was still frozen in place with her eyes closed. Tentatively, she opened one eye, then the other to find Mr Hyde making his way back to the bell. And there was a mechanical whirring coming from it.

Mr Hyde lifted the bell over his head, which still wore the wide-brimmed hat, revealing a neat hole cut out of the floorboards. About a third of Toni wanted to laugh. The other two thirds were annoyed at Van Helsing for leaving her with Godzilla's shorter, fatter cousin. Actually, they were more than annoyed. In fact, they were pretty darn pissed. A hand whipped the hat off Hyde's head and disappeared back inside the bell. A blade flashed and the bell rolled out of Mr Hyde's grip. So did one of his arms.

" Oh, naw....oh, naw!" howled Hyde as Van Helsing tumbled back into visibility. Toni watched in horror as the severed limb twitched and jerked before shrinking and wrinkling.

" I'll bet that's upsetting," remarked Van Helsing.

" Oh, ya think?" hissed Toni as she ran over to help him up. Hyde turned to them with snarl on his face. He barrelled towards them, his remaining hard outstretched. Van Helsing threw Toni out of the way, but he wasn't so fast in saving himself. Hyde caught him and spun him round like a professional shot-putter, flinging straight through the ceiling. Hyde took a flying leap, following him through the hole he left behind.

" Oh, no, you don't." Toni muttered. she found another set of stairs and rushed out onto the cathedral roof as Hyde declared " Ah, Paris!", waving his arm at the nighttime city. He turned to Van Helsing, pulling up the rags of his trousers. Behind him, Toni winced at the sight.

" I think you'll find the view here rather spectacular!" he announced, picking up Van Helsing.

" NO!" she shrieked, running to the balustrade and put her arms out, making a futile barrier, " Put him down!"

" Fine," said Hyde," Au revoir!" he taunted Van Helsing, throwing him from the top of Notre Dame.

" **NO!!!**" Toni screamed," You...you great, soft, sissy, nancy, french, bender MAN-UNITED-SUPPORTING BASTARD!!"

" Sorry to tell you this, lass, but I'm a Londoner."

Toni curled up into a little ball in fear, and Hyde was speared through the stomach by a barbed grapple.

**Phew! That was a long chapter! And my first fight scene as well! So, what d'you think? Surely, that's review worthy, right? Constructive criticism greatly appreciated, flames will be LAUGHED AT!**

**Thanks!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Standard. Me no-no own. Apart from Quiztime. But I don't own Stephen Fry. Or other mentioned things you may recognise**

**Purpose of this chappie: Random, pointless humour, written purely to put a smile on your faces with it's sheer cheesy-ness and as a small interlude until I write the next bit of the fight scene**

Two games of Ladders, Chinese Whispers and Wink Murder later, the Leaders run out of things to do because someone had left the schedule at their brother's-friend's-neighbour's and _they _had gone to Lanzarote for a second honeymoon and their house was locked up.

The inflatable beachball that had lived in the cloakroom had been whacked up towards the fluorescent lights in a riotous game of volleyball two weeks previously and still hadn't come down.

As it was, all there was to do was play an old game of Quiztime someone had fished out from under the stage and fifteen layers of dust and dead flies. Half the Quiz cards had decomposed into atoms as they always seem to do with any sort of quiz game that is left for any amount of time.

Brooklen huffed into the box, getting a cloud of dust in the face as a reward. The effect was that she'd aged a few thousand years.

" Anybody laughs and I will attach jump leads to their genetalia!" she threatened the other Guides before stomping to the toilets to wash off the dust. Ally rolled her eyes.

" ' A fun game for adults and children alike!'" she read out from the newly dusted lid," ' Test your knowledge!! An experience for all ages!'" she raised her eyebrows," Sounds like a hoot."

By now they had all sat themselves in a semi-circle with the ancient box in the centre.

" Yeah," said Millie," It means we really are desperate."

" Okay, people let's settle down now!" called Carrie, or Fluffy Owl as she insisted everyone called her. She was young-ish, read psychological child care books, and was a bit of a push-over, and had that irritating voice that the shrink that worked for the bad guys in films used. " Let's get this show on the road!" Then she picked up one of the quiz cards and read out:"How would you remove a clamp from your car?"

" Smack it with a big hammer." said Millie with a completly straight face.

" You should be able to deter traffic wardens from clamping the car in the first place." said a dust-free Brooklen thoughtfully.

" With flamethrowers!" announced Lexi, as if she had given it a great deal of thought," Nitroglycerine bombs!"

" Is that really gonna work?"

" Well, would he be giving you a ticket after that?"

" He'd be dead!"

Fluffy Owl sighed and massaged her temples. A quiet night...Just one quiet night...

" Anyone watch Dane Cook last night?" called Lexi," ' Getting hit by a car'?"

" Who?"

" American comedian. Seriously, I can recount it word for word! It goes like this..."

Ally only half listened to her friend talking about how said comedian finally saw someone getting hit by a car. They'd all watched that Dane Cook thing with Toni. Where the heck was she? It wasn't like her to be absent for anything. Late, yes but not properly absent! Ally sighed. Well, at least she didn't need to invent a reason as to why she forgot to bring those Yu-Gi-Oh cards she owed her...

Someone had picked up another card.

" What can't the Bubis do in the dark?"

" Go to the toilet? They're scared of it in the dark."

" Er...right."

" They sound like those sort of people those nineteenth century pioneer type women go and stay with." remarked Millie. She continued, making her voice posh and plummy," 'Yes, I stayed three years with the Bubi people. Lovely people. It _really _is hard to wear yellow well. That was also where I met my former butler, hmmm, yes. We were crossing the Congo and he was fifety years my junior. Lovely man, hmmm, yes."

This got a few laughs, confused look and an exasperated glare ( Fluffy Owl).

" Talk, right?" said Brooklen," I think I saw something on the Discovery Channel."

" That's right," said the one holding the quiz card," It says here that it's because their language is mostly gesture."

" So they really can talk behind their backs?" asked Ally, thoughtfully.

" You mean like this?" said Brooklen waving her arms around behind her. That sparked off some people into waving their own arms around, making a rude gesture each time and declaring ' I LEARNT IT FROM THE BUBIS!!"

Lexi winced and muttered," That is cheesy..."

" What is the town of Didcot fameous for?" was the next question.

"Oh, I know this one!" yelled Ally,"It's Britain's second biggest eyesore!"

" What's the first one, then?" asked Lexi.

" People!" said Brooklen, adopting a posh voice," The working clah-sses! That Brown fellow!" Brooklen's voice came back to normal," In the words of Frankie Boyle,' Gordon Brown's aged so much since he came into office, it looks like someone's drawn a sad face on a scrotum!'"

Fluffy Owl shot a glare at the teen, over some the giggle-ridden younger Guides. After all, someone said a _naughty _word.

" This thing says that it's because it's got Britain's second oldest yew tree."

" Blimey! Second oldest, second ugliest, always the bridesmaid, Didcot!"

Ally spaced out again. Toni ought to be here. Toni was Ally's best friend, and first one sinced the Macgregors had moved to Preston four years ago. Where the hell was she?

**Worship Stephen Fry, God of General Ignorance! And his minion, Alan Davies!**


	8. SORRY!

**APOLAGIES!!!!!!**

**I havn't updated this story in a looooooong whilw and for that I drop to my knees and grovel to say sorry.**

**Unfortunatly, I cannot continue with this story, at least not this version of it. I have gotten older, my writing styles have changed and I have been progressing better in my english classes. I will not take this story down but I'll leave a note here saying that there will soon be a better, rewritten, more developed version. I'm now in Set 1 English so I think I can promise a better story. **

**Even so, I'm sticking to oneshots and stuff until I can build up the motivation to regulary update a longer story.**

**So, er, sorry but stay tuned and I should have the better version of Coming Into Your Own quite soon.**

**See you soon!**


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